I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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