you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
