So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
