Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
