Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
