can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
