dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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