all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
