Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
