Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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