That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
