He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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