i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
