Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
