he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
