C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
