when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
did i just pee glitter
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
