You don't have asthma, your pregnant
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
