Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
