How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
