Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
