WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
