I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
