This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
