Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
