Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
