I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
