i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
