The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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