birth control should be required to get into college
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
