I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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