Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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