3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Non-Jews are for practice
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
