the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
