ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
