True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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