DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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