I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
