I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
