so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
