I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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