Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
