let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
