I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
