What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
