I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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