Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
