I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
