my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
