Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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