remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Of course I have a pirate flag
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
