No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
