I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
