Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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